I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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