my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The power of my boobs compel you
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
