I skipped work to stalk him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
