i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
