If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
