i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
