I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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