Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Drunk is not a location!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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