It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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