He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
