If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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