One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
