Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
