wat bout pragnant strippers??
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
