I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think a kid would responsible me up
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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