Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
