I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
