I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
