fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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