You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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