I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
