I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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