your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
