i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
