I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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