Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
