U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
