I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
