Betty ford says i'm here all night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
