hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Everyone says I win the strip club
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
