I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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