making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
