i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
