I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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