Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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