I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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