i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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