why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
