I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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