puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
40s are totally the cure
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
