M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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