So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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