I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
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I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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