Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize