omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
