were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize