Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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