So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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