So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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