i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I touched a dick in church today
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
