I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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