I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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