i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
