At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Be still, my beating vagina.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize