He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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