What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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