After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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