Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
