Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
