So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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