I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
