so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
