Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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