WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
