her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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