i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
