Hey man sorry I got all grabby
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
