Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
