new low.... made out with someone while peeing
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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