She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
