Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
