why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
