She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
