Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
