I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
