There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
