the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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