your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
