Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
