Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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