i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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