I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
