She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
