There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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