I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
